Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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