i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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