Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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