Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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