i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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