Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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