508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
