Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
