Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
