well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
