a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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