So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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