i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
