I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
