Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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