they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
