Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
