I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
