I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
