5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
