Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
