i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
