I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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