i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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