i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
