and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize