I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
