Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
