The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
