Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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