we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize