I can tuck mytits in my pants
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
