You made me cry and you don't even care
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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