i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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