If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sorry my hands just texted you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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