we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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