These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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