Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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