kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
