The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
