I seem to have left my pride at pride
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
