He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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