Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
