Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
