Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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