so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
