tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
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