If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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