were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
