i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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