Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i was born a porn star she said
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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