you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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