it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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