I heard we made out
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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