I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize