If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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