Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
