SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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