When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
