I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
