She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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