help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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