No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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