i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
its liver damage thursday
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
