the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
