Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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