I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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